


Can't Kick Up The Roots

by iceprinceofbelair



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s04e20 Evidence of Things Not Seen, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4893319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceprinceofbelair/pseuds/iceprinceofbelair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Sam is packing up his DC apartment, he turns on the news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Kick Up The Roots

SHOTS FIRED ON THE WHITE HOUSE

Sam’s heart jumped into his mouth as he listened to the CNN voiceover relay the events of the evening. Shots had been fired on the Press Briefing Room. His thoughts immediately jumped to CJ. Was she okay? Surely it would be on the news if anybody had been hurt? But if they’d been hurt inside the White House…

The Secret Service wouldn’t tell anyone if the President had been hurt. They wouldn’t want to cause unnecessary panic. Would they release that CJ had been hurt or would they hush that up too?

He was running. He hadn’t noticed but he was pounding down the stairs. He couldn’t remember if he’d locked his apartment door behind him but he wasn’t sure he cared. He was running and he was so afraid. He hadn’t felt this afraid since Josh-

There were too many guns in the world.

He kept running.

~

“Please,” he was breathless and desperately pleading with the officer on the security desk. She was new. She didn’t recognise him and, even if she did, he knew she couldn’t let him in without an access pass. “Please just tell me nobody was hurt.”

“Sir, I can’t comment on matters of security.”

Sam rubbed his eyes. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry. You’re just doing your job. I’m sorry.”

She seemed to soften. “Sir, if you like, I could call upstairs and see if anybody is free to see you?”

Sam smiled. “Thank you.”

She nodded and picked up the phone. Sam paced. He couldn’t help it. He felt dizzy and nauseous and, God, he hoped that this woman’s co-operation meant that everything was okay.

“Ms Cregg will be down in a moment to escort you upstairs,” she said and Sam felt his legs threaten to give out. He leaned heavily against the wall, taking deep breaths. She stood and put a hand on his shoulder as she handed him his access pass. “Are you alright, Sir?”

“Sam,” he said automatically.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied and Sam couldn’t stifle a smile.

“Thank you. I’ll be okay.”

She nodded and returned to her desk, flashing a final encouraging smile his way. He stayed leaning against the wall until he spotted CJ approaching and forced himself to stand up straight. As soon as he could touch her, he pulled her close and was relieved to feel her arms wrap around him in response.

“God,” he whispered against her shoulder.

She squeezed him tight. “I’m okay, Sam. We’re all okay.”

“I just,” Sam took a deep breath and finally voiced what had been the recurring theme of his inner turmoil during his run here. “I wasn’t here to put you down.”

CJ pulled back and looked Sam seriously in the eye. For a moment, Sam worried he might have said the wrong thing. It wasn’t like he thought CJ couldn’t look after herself. It wasn’t like that. He just felt so much responsibility for his friends and CJ was like his big sister and he _needed_ to protect her because she’d spent so much time protecting him over the years.

The truth was, maybe, that he felt indebted to her. And he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, of losing any of them.

Instead, she said, “Toby was.”

Sam hugged her tight one more time before she took his hand and led him through to the West Wing.

“What about everyone else?” Sam asked, the adrenaline still flooding his body. “Was anybody in the room?”

“Toby and Will were in there with me,” she confessed and Sam’s stomach flipped horribly.

Though their relationship had often been fraught with disagreement, Sam loved Toby like a brother. Their personality clashes weren’t nearly as off-putting as one might think. And, though Sam wouldn’t admit it to his face, he enjoyed a good argument with Toby. After all, he used to argue for a living.

And Will. Oh, God, if Will had been hurt Sam would never forgive himself. It was his fault that Will was even here to get hurt in the first place and, after everything, he hadn’t even won.

Before this thought process could get too out of hand, CJ calmed his nerves.

“Don’t worry. They’re fine. The President is fine. Nobody was hurt,” she said though Sam couldn’t take much comfort in that until he saw for himself. “We were crashed for a little while so the news was a little delayed.”

Sam nodded.

He allowed CJ to lead him through the Communications bullpen and, when there was no sign of Toby or Will, he felt himself panic a little. He was being ridiculous, he knew. But he couldn’t help it.

“Sam!”

He turned at the sound of his name and was immediately engulfed in a hug by Bonnie and Ginger. He dropped CJ’s hand so he could hug them both back. After a moment, he pulled away a little.

“You guys are okay?” He asked sincerely. Knowing they had been nowhere near the press room at the time of the incident wasn’t much of a comfort.

Bonnie smiled. “We’re fine, Sam,” she said.

“Sorry about California,” Ginger added, patting his arm. “We were all rooting for you.”

Sam smiled. “Thanks.”

CJ placed a hand on his back and he bid his goodbyes to Bonnie and Ginger. She took him through to Leo’s office. Sam thought it was a strangely round-about route for them to take but he didn’t mind because at least he’d seen that Bonnie and Ginger were okay. He wasn’t even fully aware he’d been worrying about them until he wasn’t anymore.

The President stood to greet him as he entered – as did everyone else but Sam felt that probably had more to do with the President than with him. Before he could process these thoughts, however, the President engulfed him in an unexpected hug.

“It’s good to see you, Sam,” he said, patting Sam’s back heartily.

“You too, Sir,” Sam smiled, feeling all the more relieved to see everyone in one room. He turned his gaze to Toby and Will, searching for injuries. “You guys are okay?”

Toby rolled his eyes and didn’t answer. Instead he said, “You’re back in DC?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, just packing up my apartment.”

There was a strange stillness which seemed to descend on the room at those words.

“You found somewhere else?” CJ asked hopefully. Sam sighed.

“Yeah. In California.”

“Sam,” The President said, looking downcast and sounding worse. “There’s still a place for you on the Senior Staff.”

“I know,” he said though he doubted that was truly the case. Senior Advisor to the President was so vague. He’d undoubtedly end up stepping on Josh’s toes and Will would likely feel awkward having Sam’s old job. No. The White House wasn’t the place for him anymore and the only thing he could do now was try to ignore the ache in his chest when he walked out the front door for what would likely be the last time.

“But you’re still going?” Toby deduced.

All eyes were on him. Now he understood how it felt to be an animal on display in a zoo. He looked away.

“Mum’s sick,” he admitted quietly. “She- she doesn’t have long. I’ve got a place in Orange County so I can- I’m going back to California.”

The stillness only lasted a moment. CJ wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. He squeezed back, thankful for someone to give him a little comfort. He was still smarting over his mother’s failure to tell him she was ill, still angry with himself for not making the effort to see her more often.

Feeling the tears welling up, Sam pulled away blinked them away.

“Anyway,” he said hastily. “I just came by to make sure you were all okay. I, uh, I saw it on the news.”

The President eyed him closely. Sam made to leave.

“Sam,” the President said.

Sam turned.

“You ran all the way here?”

Sam felt his cheeks flush. He ducked his head in confirmation and offered a smile around the room. He was met with looks of a different nature now, settling somewhere between pity and affection. This was the hardest part. He didn’t want to be on the other side of the country. He didn’t want to stop trying to change the world. He didn’t want to go back to being a sellout corporate lawyer. He wanted to be here with his friends and he wanted his mother to be well and he wanted to be Toby’s deputy until the President left office.

But the time for that had come and gone.

CJ led him to the front door and, before he left, she pulled him close against her one more time and kissed his cheek, saying, “You really are very sweet, Sam.”

He clung to her then like he might never let go. He wanted to cry.

He didn’t.

He left, looking back only when he was far enough away not to be tempted to return. He stared up at the White House for a long time, thinking, before he began his walk home. He was getting on a plane in two days. Hopefully, there would be no more painful goodbyes.


End file.
